Pirate Story
by soccergurlgk
Summary: This is my own personal spin of PotC and other than the setting and constant movie quotting, it's not much like the movie. No Orli or Johnny involved.


A not so long time ago in a not so distant place.  
  
The night was chillingly cold as an ocean fog rolled in. Ships creaked and groaned in the harbor against the swells and the clop clop of hooves on cobblestone seemed eerie and distant. Most of the lights were out in the shop windows on the Avenue save for one. The door swung open and all the noise from the bar spilled out into the streets. Inside, it was warm, bright and loud. Hearty men and filthy sailors chugged their rum and stumbled about clumsily in a drunken stupor. A figure sat hunched at the bar, a weather beaten overcoat about her shoulders. A hood was pulled over her head, shading her eyes. The light was dim and one could barely make out the long braid that graced over her shoulder. A large mug of rum sat half empty in front of her as the bar tender walked past. He glanced at her warily, trying to see beneath the dark hood. The young woman glanced down the extent of the bar and then returned her stare to her drink. She seized the mug and downed the last half of rum in one swig. There was a smacking sound and the bar tender returned. "Another round?" He offered.  
"Na, mate. But I'll tell you what. Why don't you and your boys roll those two kegs of rum, that bag of flour, and that bushel of apples down the street, out to the dock and onto my ship, eh?" The bar tender laughed.  
"You've gone mad with the sun." He replied. The woman shrugged. She stood up an threw back the hood of the coat. A dirty red bandana covered her brow and a pistol was in her hand.  
"I asked nicely." She said with a shrug.  
"Hold it right there!" Someone shouted, and the sound of a hammer cocking could be heard. "At last we catch these pirate thieves in the act." The voice was arrogant and British. "Drop your pistol and turn about." The woman obeyed. Three men were standing, apparently undercover soldiers, one armed with a pistol and the others with muskets. "Where are your other scurvy mates?" The one with the pistol demanded.  
"Right here." A voice answered from behind him, blade resting up against his throat. "If any of you move, he will die." The voice was calm and steady."  
"Bloody Pirate!" One of the musket holders cried. There was a flash of metal as another sword flew from it's scabbard and sliced across the soldier's throat as the other pierced the pistol man's jugular and then in one fluid and graceful movement the blades came together in a scissor motion and decapitated the third.  
"Bloody blighters. I told them not to move." The woman dressed in white shirt, leather vest, breeches and high boots sheathed her swords. Her scraggly red hair was tied back in a pony tail with a bit of leather.  
"Now as I was sayin'," The brunette continued with the bartender as if nothing had happened. "Why don't you be a rollin' those down to the docks?" The bar tender scowled but did not budge. The brunette sighed and pulled out another gun. "Please?" She cocked the trigger. The bar tender didn't move. The woman shrugged and moved for the trigger.  
"Let's not be hasty now Mary, savvy?" The door the bar swung open once again admitting yet another young woman with strands of dirty blonde hair poking her three cornered hat. Thicker pieces were wrapped and ornamented with beads and even a small gold coin. A white shirt and black tattered vest could be seen beneath a large overcoat that had at one time been grand to see, but now disheveled and dirty. The woman swaggered up to the bar tender. "Listen here, I've got 30 more men outside waiting for my command to come in and sack this place. Then, we would be a taken all your booty, but since I'm a reasonable pirate, I'm only taken what I'll be a needen for a while. So if you'll kindly start movin' those barrels." The bar tender hesitated.  
"Alright Grace, call in the boys." The swords woman gave a nod and started for the door.  
"Wait!" The bar tender cried. "What dock would you like me to deliver them to?" The blonde grinned and leaned up against the bar.  
"That's a better attitude. Mary, see that the goods are delivered."  
"Aye Captain." The brunette said with a nod. The Captain scooped the fallen pistol off the floor and tossed it to Mary. "Alright, you sea dogs go back about yer business, nothin' to see here." One man who had had a little too much rum stumbled about, weaving past the Captain reeking of cheep booze and women. We walked past, wobbled a turn about and managed to hold himself up next to the Captain.  
"I like yer hat." He slurred.  
"Thank you." The Captain said with a grin. "The name's Morty Cash, pass it about." The drunk man saluted with the wrong hand and then fell to the floor. "Alright, we'll be taken our leave of you dogs." No one moved and it was doubtful that any had really noticed. "Just.go about and drink yer rum."  
"Capn', soldiers comin'." The red headed woman named Grace called.  
"Good evening gentlemen." Captain Cash bid, walked over the inebriated body and out the back door.  
  
Minutes later Captain Cash watched as the desired barrels were rolled up the gangplank. "Grace, wake the crew, will you?" Grace gave a nod and went below deck. The sack of flour was the last to be loaded. "Thank you kind gentlemen." Cash said with a nod.  
"We're ready to sail Captain." Mary informed. Just then, there was a shout from up the Avenue.  
"Stop! Pirates! Stop!"  
"Where's me crew?"  
"Here Captain!" Cash looked around at the two young men standing on deck. Both were incredibly scrawny and lanky and one was cross eyed.  
"Mad Sam Bonney! Mad William Kidd! Hoist the sail and way anchor!" Cash barked. "Grace, take the helm." Mary pulled the gang plank on board and the ship began to bow out of the dock. The herd of soldiers continued to run for the dock. There was a horrible crunching sound as the ropes pulled taught against the dock, having never been released. "Argh!" Cash growled. "Mad Sam and Mad William! How many times do I have to tell you to release the lines before doing the other stuff I tell ye?" Both guys just shrugged. Mary pulled a dagger from her boot and began sawing away at the line. There was a loud crash as the dock came loose and began to be drug away. The gaggle of soldiers stopped at the waters edge to watch the spectacle. The stern line was cut and there was a sudden groan as the ship began to lean down by the bow with the weight of the dock. Dealing with their crisis, none of the pirates noticed one of the soldiers strip down and leap into the water.  
"The keel is out of the water!" Grace shouted from the helm. The entire ship was tilting into the bow. Cash slid down the deck and whipped out her own dagger and began to help Mary saw through the rope. Finally, there was a sickening smack as the line snapped and the entire ship leveled out back onto her belly.  
"Billy and Sam! On deck!" Cash ordered. The two scurried out of the crows nest. Captain Cash was flexing her hands in front of her face as if strangling the two, but somehow finding restraint. "Next time," She said in a calm voice although her left eye was twitching. "Remove the lines." Still twitching, she turned away. "If they weren't me kin I'd kill em." She muttered to herself.  
"Captain!" Mary shouted. "Man overboard." Cash looked over shoulder at a person swimming up towards the boat.  
"Fish him out!" Cash ordered. Mary tossed a rope overboard and Collin and Matt heaved the soldier aboard.  
  
The soldier was a young man with dark hair and eyes. Although at the moment, he was coughing up sea water. He tried to sit up only to find a blade at his throat. "I'm curious, soldier." Cash said smoothly. "After catching us, what exactly was it you were planning on doing?"  
"You're under.arrest. in the name of.Her Majesty." Mary and Cash burst up laughing.  
"We're under arrest?" Mary laughed. "You're the one who is under arrest in the name of.well.us, I guess."  
"Who are you?" He demanded, being allowed to sit up.  
"Those two imbeciles over there are Mad William Kidd and Mad Sam Bonney. Ain't useful 'cept for all the manual labor. Not the fastest boat on the pond, savvy? And this is Iron Mary Flint, so called because she has a passion for things that require flint. She's a master of armory from pistols to cannon and she never misses. Of course, she's got some good incentive to be the best at least in cannoning. If we sink, we'll be a swimming for the nearest island, but Mary's feet are made of iron if you catch my drift. She can't swim." Mary grinned. "That up there at the helm is Black Grace Bonney, no relation. Best swordsman ever says I. She'd slit your throat and you'd never know it she's so smooth. However," Cash started as Grace suddenly seemed to freeze at the helm and then sprint to the edge of the ship. "She tends to get a little sea sick." The soldier stared in amazement.  
"Your crew is two mentally untalented boys, a sea sick swordswoman, and a munitions person that can't swim. So what's wrong with you?" Cash leaned back and smiled, the sun catching her slightly freckled face.  
"Nothing, boy. I'm Captain Morty Cash! And since we've been so hospitable towards ye, I think it's time you returned the favor."  
"Hawkins, Ryan Hawkins."  
"Well Mr. Hawkins, Ryan Hawkins, welcome aboard the Black Sabre. Iron Mary! If you would be so kind as to take our guest below deck and see that he gets the penthouse." Mary nodded and then seized Hawkins by his and started dragging him away.  
"Um, Captain ma'am." Collin said, approaching meekly. "We don't have a penthouse. Do we?"  
"No, Billy." Cash said, tapping her fingers on her cheek. "I was usin' figerativ language, savvy?" Mad William Kidd smiled, nodded his head and said,  
"No."  
"Let it out mate." Cash said, patting Grace's back as she ascended up to the navigation deck. Cash took the helm and turned to port since the ship had gone astray while Grace had been relieving her stomach.  
"Where we headin' Capn?" Grace asked, walking back over to the wheel as if nothing had happened.  
"Tortuba." Cash answered. "Drop off our load, seein' as how Mr. Hawkins was a unexpected but fortunate happening. We'll just pay off Sheila and we'll be free to pillage and plunder our weasely black guts out. No more errand crew, savvy?"  
"Aye Captain."  
"And Grace, me first mate, the deck is lookin'a bit spotty."  
"Alright you scallywags!" Grace barked as she walked down the steps from the helm. "Swab the deck."  
  
"Dinner is served." Grace said, placing a plate of skinned and smoked salmon down on the ground just outside the brig cage. Hawkins warily approached the edge and reached for the plate. Grace smacked his hand with the blade of her sword. "That's not for you lad, that be for Natasha."  
"Natasha?" Hawkins asked.  
"That be the Captain's cat." Hawkins watched in horror as a cat gracefully leapt down from the rafters and began to nibble on the fish. "Here you go mate." Grace said, sliding a pan of slop under then bars. "I warn ye mate, don't be a tryin' to take that dish from Natasha, you might be missin' a finger when I return." Hawkins listened as Grace's boots clomped up the stairs. Once gone, he eyed the salmon and slid his hand under the bar toward the plate.  
"Rrrrrraaaaarrrrrrr!" Hawkins pulled his hand back, but too late. There were four deep gouges in his flesh.  
"Filthy feline." Hawkins cursed. The cat hissed in response but went back to eating. Hawkins stared at the cat and then looked closer. The cat had a white underbelly and legs and a calico brown down her back. But there was a unique white mark on her back that resembled a skull and crossbones. Hawkins just sat and watched the cat finish before he began eating the slop in front of him.  
  
The sun set and as if began to rise on the eastern horizon, Black Grace Bonney descended the stairs down into the brig. An oil lamp glowed overhead and Grace looked down at Hawkins who was coddling his hand. "I warned ye not to try and touch Natasha's dinner." She said. Hawkins didn't reply. Grace pulled out the keys and unlocked the door. "Best go topside and have Mary take a look. Don't want you getting scurvy or gangrene." She swung the door open and suddenly froze. Hawkins stood and watched as Grace bolted from the door up topside.  
  
Hawkins stood stunned for a moment as the door to his cell swung open with the sway of the ship. Not believing his luck, he shoved the door open and skidded out into the corridor. Then, he stopped short. Standing between him and the stair case was Captain Cash, Natasha on her shoulder. Cash cocked her head and looked at Hawkins quizzically. "I know you weren't plannin' on leavin' us just yet." She said. Natasha hissed as she slunk about on Cash's shoulder. Hawkins looked about, trying to find himself a weapon. "Listen boy." Cash said. "If you be wanting to go up on deck for some fresh air, just say so. I'm not worried about you escaping. The only way off this ship is into the briny deep. And if you can swim over 100 miles to the nearest spit of land, I won't stand in your way." Hawkins' hopes began to sink. "And don't think about a life boat, boy. We don't have those. Or, we did," Cash said, looking up at the ceiling, reminiscing. "But there was this fiasco that involved a monkey and a peg legged man and well," She shrugged, "I don't really want to explain." With that, Cash turned and walked back up the stairs, the cat leering over her shoulder at Hawkins.  
  
Once on deck, Natasha leapt off Cash's shoulder and scampered into the Officer's cabin. The wind filled the sails and a light spray crashed over the side occasionally. Mary was at the helm, the wind whipping back her unruly mane. All around was water. Grace was just finishing over the side of the ship and recovering. "Where are we?" Hawkins asked, suddenly behind Cash. Cash shrugged.  
"Somewhere between Port Regal and Tortuba." Cash answered.  
"AHHHHH!" Cash and Hawkins spun around. "Help me!" Sam cried. He was hanging upside down from the rope netting that stemmed from the Crows nest to the deck. Billy peeked up above the crows nest down at Sam. Sam's ankle was twisted in the rope and he was dangling 50 feet in the air.  
"Grace!" Cash yelled. A second later, Grace was climbing the net up towards Sam. "I would do it by me onesy, but I don't have a penchant for heights." Cash explained.  
"Help!" Sam cried again as the ship crashed against a hard wave and jerked him about. Hawkins saw something fall and then hit the deck. Cash walked over and picked it up but Hawkins didn't get a good look at it.  
"Turn with the waves!" Cash ordered back at Mary. The ship turned and things calmed a bit. Grace finally reached Sam. His hands failed about up at her and Grace managed to grab one and heave Sam up to the cargo net so that he could hold on while she untangled his foot. Suddenly, there was a loud crashing sound and the entire ship shuddered. Both Grace and Matt lost their grip and Grace was holding on underneath the net now with Sam clinging to her legs. "What the hell was that?" Cash shouted back at Mary.  
"We hit something!" Mary cried back. "Or something hit us!" Cash left Hawkins and raced up to the helm and as Mary raced down. Cash brought the ship about and through the ocean mist spotted a ship in the distance. Mary dashed down below and began loading the cannon.  
"Hawkins!" Cash ordered. "Go help Mary." Hawkins hesitated. "Do it, or you'll drown with the likes of us!" That motivated the soldier and he chased after Mary. Grace had turned around facing the downward slope and was slowly making her way down the cargo net. "Billy you jelly-croissant- spined scallywag! Get down here!" Mad William Kidd sheepishly scuttled out of the Crows nest and down the netting. Cash smacked him in the back of the head. "Go help with the cannon!" Cash turned back to Grace and Sam who were still dangling, but had lowered about 15 feet. "Grace and Sam! Stop fooling around!" Grace suddenly got a red look on her face. She ship hauled to the left again and Grace's fingers slipped. The two dropped to the deck and rolled as the ship righted itself. They hit the other side of the ship and an awkward scene occurred as Sam was laying on top of Grace.  
"Get off me!" Grace growled, pulling out a dagger, "Or I'll gouge out your other eye." Sam scrambled to his feet and ran past Cash and down into the hull of the ship to help preparing the cannon. Grace hurled over the side of the ship.  
"Grace," Cash called. "This is no time to get sea sick."  
"I wasn't sea sick." Grace answered. Cash grinned. There was a deafening boom as the first cannon was fired from the Black Sabre. It was shortly followed by a second and a third. The attacking ship was easily seen now and white billows of smoke shot out of the hull. "It's a British ship." Grace stated. More blows were exchanged, but no serious damage was inflicted on the Black Sabre. Suddenly, Mary poked her head out from below deck.  
"We're out of powder! We never restocked from out last bout." Cash's calm calculating eyes suddenly narrowed.  
"Abandon the cannon. Drop the two forward sails. Release the retrain line. Bring us about." Sam, Billy, and Hawkins ran up the stairs and began carrying out Cash's orders. "Lets give them a run." Cash said more to herself than to Grace.  
  
The two massive foreward sails unfurled and the sea breeze caught them. There was a lurch as the ship shot forward. The main sail was let out to catch more breeze and the ship turned into the wind as Cash took the helm. As the ship turned, the massive main mast boom began to swing. The line had been cut. Cash looked at the deck and at Sam and Bill letting loose the last boom line. "No!" Cash shouted. But the line cut and the boom swung. "Mary!" Cash shouted. Grace and Mary both swung around in time to see the boom sweep Mary off her feet and dump her into the ocean.  
"Mary!" Grace shouted, shouldering off her blades and diving in after her a moment later. Cash rolled her eyes and clenched her fists about the wheel.  
"Secure the boom you bloody idiots!" She yelled at Sam and Billy. The two scrambled about, trying to catch the cut line. Meanwhile, Cash struggled to keep the Black Sabre from spinning. However the ship was zigzagging like a drunken sailor and going slower than before. Cash hit her head against the wheel as the attacking ship came abreast of them and men began to swing over. She watched hap-heartedly as a gangplank was put between the two ships and both were secured together. That was when Cash noticed that the men swinging over were not British soldiers at all. They were pirates like her, pirates she knew. She moaned as one ran up with pistol in hand.  
"Stand down from the wheel!" He ordered, cocking his pistol. Cash stood back as another pirate ran up and seized the helm. Then, a person wearing all black slowly ascended the stairs. Long, ratty black hair in dread locks ran down her back and the female looked up at Cash with yellowed teeth and similar eyes.  
"Ah! The Black Sabre is mine." She hissed.  
"For now." Cash replied. The woman glared. "What do you want Alexi?"  
"Arg, that be Captain Alexi to you, Cash." She hissed. Cash glanced down on the deck and saw Grace being hauled out the water, Mary in tow. "What a fine crew you have." Alexi chuckled, a very cackling sound. "You have to be the worst pirates I've ever seen." Cash forced a grin and rolled her eyes as Alexi turned around to watch her crew work. "Take her and her," Alexi chuckled to herself, "her able bodied crew and throw them in the brig."  
  
"Well, things certainly are getting better with each passing moment." Hawkins stated sarcastically. "Who are they?"  
"That would be the crew of the Bounty, short for bounty hunter, Captained by a.I wouldn't call her a woman, but a supposed female named Alexi Hanover. She and her crew of miscreants sail about looking for respectable pirates like ourselves and bring us in." Cash said without interest.  
"Good for her then." Hawkins replied.  
"Alexi doesn't bring us to the law, you fool." Grace growled. "We go to who ever her employer is. I fancy that the price on our head is getting rather high."  
"What did you do?" Hawkins asked, interested.  
"We.borrowed a ship..without permission." Mary explained.  
"That just happened to be loaded with a couple thousand dollars in gold." Cash added. "But of course, we had no idea at the time."  
"Well then you will get what you deserve." Mary and Grace glared at Hawkins and Cash shrugged.  
"Well mate, since you're one of us now, you'll share in our fate, so you'd better have a care."  
"I am not one of you." Hawkins hissed and Cash rolled her eyes.  
"Try explainin' that to Mad Jack." Grace said with a sneer.  
"Ooo! I found my spare eye!" Sam said suddenly. The other four all looked over at him as he brushed it off. Billy clapped happily.  
"We need to get out of here." Hawkins said.  
"Wow, thank you." Mary said. "I had no idea that was what we needed to do." Cash suddenly got a look in her eye and the turned to Grace. It took only a moment and Grace was at the door to the brig.  
"Guard! Guard!" A short young man walked up to the door.  
"Let her out!" Cash yelled. "Or she'll wretch her guts on you." The short boy fumbled with the keys and then opened the door. Grace sprinted out and up the stairs. She shoved past several members of the Bounty's crew. There was an alarm sounded as Grace reached the deck.  
"What?!" Alexi screamed. "How'd she get out." Grace leaned over the side of the rail and puked. The hysteria died down slightly and Alexi sighed and shook her head. "Who's ever seen a sea sick pirate such as that." When Grace turned around, she faced a handful of pistols and barrage of swords.  
"Sorry." She rasped. Two guard seized her roughly and drug her back down to the brig.  
  
"What was that about?" Hawkins demanded. Grace shook out her sleeve and a sheathed dagger fell to the ground. Cash picked up the dagger, tucked it away, leaned back against the wall and closed her eyes while a smug smile rested on her face. "A dagger?" Hawkins asked. "That's your plan? What are you gonna do? Dig out?"  
"Shh." Cash replied, putting a finger to her lips. "You hear that?" Everyone fell silent and a faint jingling could be heard. The sound grew louder and then there was Natasha, keys in her mouth. "Good kitty." Cash cooed, grabbing the keys and scratching the cat behind her ear. Mary took the keys and opened the door. "Vwala!" Cash grinned, taking the keys back and tucking them away. "Grace, scurry over to the Bounty. Billy, Sam, go with her." Grace nodded, knowing what to do. "Mary, you're with me. Hawkins.watch and learn." Hawkins started to protest but the three lady pirates disappeared, Grace, Billy and Sam out a cannon port and Cash and Mary toward the keel. They two climbed out of the most aft cannon port and began scaling the side of the ship up to the navigation deck.  
  
They poked their heads over the rail. Alexi was facing away from them and was alone. The two snuck up behind her. Mary snatched away Alexi's pistol as Cash grabbed her hair. "Ah! Kill them!" Mary cocked the pistol.  
"You might want to rethink that." Cash whispered. "Or I'll cut off your locks." Alexi's eyes went wide. "Call them off."  
"Hold fire! Don't shoot!" Alexi shouted angrily. "Don't ye dare damage my hair." Mary stifled a laugh.  
"Now, you and your crew will scurry back over to your ship and I wouldn't suggest trying to do anything trixie. See, Grace is over there, see? She just lifted up the cannon port there. Right inside is all your powder stacked up. All Mary has to do is shoot it. So you just get on over there and stay on deck till we're out of sight." Alexi laughed.  
"No one could hit that target." She cackled.  
"Alexi, she's the finest sharp shooter on all seven seas, savvy?" Alexi seemed hesitant. "Order your crew over, or I'll give ye a hair cut."  
"Fine. Crew! Back to the Bounty!" There were grumbles and complaints as the pirates returned to their ship. Cash removed the blade.  
"We've got a special departure for you." Cash growled, nodding towards the plank being run out by Hawkins.  
"I will not." Alexi growled. A blade was suddenly at her throat, Grace glaring from the other end.  
"I think you will." Cash stated. Grace marched Alexi down to the plank at sword tip. "Off you go." Cash said with a grin. Grace poked Alexi and she leapt off. "Let go the sail!" Cash ordered, Sam and Billy scurrying around to release the sail. A moment later, the Black Sabre was pulling away. "I am glad I didn't have to cut her hair." Cash mentioned as she walked the deck toward the bow. Hawkins looked questioningly at her. "It would have bent the blade." Cash said with a grin.  
"They'll just come after us again." Hawkins pointed out.  
"No they won't." Grace answered. "Billy and Sam ran about the ship, cutting lines. It'll take them a while to limp home."  
  
The moon shone clear over the ocean as the Black Sabre continued on it's way to Tortuba. Mary was up in the crow's nest, Cash and Hawkins at the helm, and Grace leaning over the side of the boat. She had just recovered when Billy can racing up from below deck and screaming. He knocked into Grace and both fell to the deck. Sam was but a second behind. Grace threw Billy off, but Billy scampered back, grabbing her harm and babbling. Mary dropped from up above and Sam instantly darted behind her. Cash rolled her eyes. "What is wrong with you?" Mary demanded, peeling Sam off of her.  
"Ghost!" Billy squealed, his voice high pitched. "A DEMON!"  
"How much rum have you had?" Grace asked, looking at Billy over her shoulder.  
"None!" Sam cried. "I heard it too. The ship is cursed. It was this horrible sound!"  
"Like a yodeler in great pain or something." Billy added. "Look! Hear that?" Grace and Mary looked at each other and were about to toss the two boys overboard when a sound floated up from below.  
"What is that?" Grace asked, cringing.  
"It sounds like something is dying." Mary agreed.  
"Find out what it is!" Cash ordered. Grace looked at Mary and Mary at Grace.  
"Play you for it." Mary said. Grace gave a nod.  
"One, two three." Grace had rock and Mary had paper. Mary grinned. Grace sighed and pulled her cutlass from it's scabbard. Billy whimpered.  
  
Each creek of the step seemed excruciatingly loud under Grace's foot. She heard the sound again, closer and clearer this time. Grace made her way aft and her heart began to pound as she drew ever closer. "Ha!" She cried as she turned a corner, cutlass extended to attack. Illuminated by an oil lamp overhead was an older man with dark hair in a pony tail, passed out up against the wall, empty bottle of rum in hand. In the other hand was a sword. Grace cautiously poked him with her blade.  
"Oh lo lo lo lo lo." He grumbled. Grace poked him again and the man's eyes suddenly shot open.  
"Holy crap!" Grace shouted, stumbling backwards.  
"Oh lo lo lo lo lo." The man said again, leaping to his feet, sword in hand. He slashed and Grace managed to block the attack. Blades crashed together as Grace retreated towards the bow. The strikes were lightening quick and the swords often bit into the wood that surrounded them. Grace continued fighting as she retreated up the stairs onto the deck.  
"What the hell?" Cash demanded as the duel proceeded out onto the deck. Cash jumped the rail from the navigation deck and hurried toward Grace. Mary pulled out her gun and took a shot. Faster than the eye could follow, the man whipped out a second sword and used it to fend off the shot. Mary stared in disbelief. The man slashed and Grace jumped back, his sword momentarily getting caught in the wood of the mast. "Grace!" Cash shouted, throwing another sword at Grace. Grace caught it and used it to block an attack and the two were once again locked in an intricate dance of death. The man lunged, Grace dodging it to the side, rolled over his back and slashed. The dark curly hair of the pony tail fell to the deck. The man looked at it in shock.  
"OH LOLOLOLOLOLOLO!" He yelled. He attacked more aggressively than ever and Grace was forced on the defensive. The man's sword bit across Grace's brow as Grace's sword knocked one of his away. She struck with one sword, tucked the other hilt into her palm and punched the man square in the jaw. He stumbled backwards, Grace knocking his final sword away. Blood trickled down over Grace's eye, but she had him cornered and that was all that mattered. The man put his hands up slowly, checking all his options. Suddenly, Grace dropped her swords and dashed to the side of the ship. The man watched in disbelief and then reached for a fallen sword. There was a gunshot from Mary and what remained of his pony tail was now obliterated. Mary cocked her gun again. The man's eyes scanned all the rigging, looking for an escape. There was a crash and the man suddenly crumpled to the floor. Cash stood holding his empty rum bottle in her hand, the bottle broken. "There'll be no stowaways aboard the Black Sabre." She spat. Grace walked over to Cash. "Good job Grace." Cash gave her a smack on the back and Grace once again raced to the side of the ship. "Oo, sorry." Cash called.  
"Who is he?" Hawkins asked.  
"Dirty Jack Vane. He was kicked out of his colony because he would never bathe, ever." Cash answered. "That's why he's a member of Alexi's scurvy crew."  
"He's kind of old for a pirate, isn't he?" Hawkins asked. Cash shrugged.  
"Mary, if you would be so kind to show Mr. Vane to his cell. We'll be dropping him off in the morning."  
  
As the sun rose over the horizon, Mary marched Marc out onto the deck and then out onto the plank. "Congratulations Jack." Cash said. "You're about to be named governor of that little island over there. But since we're merciful pirates, here is a pistol with a single shot. Now I know it don't seem like much, but after a week of starvation, you'll be a thankin' me." Mary hung the belt holding the pistol over his neck. "Off you go."  
"Bloody blighter." Grace cursed, holding a rag over her swollen eye. Mary shoved Jack off the plank and the pirates watched as he swam to shore.  
  
"Come on, me mates. Tortuba awaits us."  
  
Jack reached shore out of breath and exhausted. He flopped down the beach, tossing the pistol several feet away. "Hi there!" Jack spun around to see a middle aged man. "You've been marooned to? Same here. My name is Dubya. George Dubya. What's your position on tax relief?" Jack's eyes widened in fear. "I don't like it neither. The poor people don't need money. They're used to being poor. They wouldn't know what to do with it even if they had it." Jack scrambled through the sand and seized his pistols. A single shot. Should he kill Dubya or himself. "How about oil? Not whale oil, but petroleum. I've got an oil farm in Texas." No, if he shot Dubya, he might miss. Jack put the pistol to his head. "What are you doin'? Are you one of them demonstrating Buddhists?" Jack cocked the trigger. Hell couldn't be any worse than this. He pulled the trigger. There was a click and he opened his eyes. Dubya laughed. "You had me going there for a moment, boy howdy you did! You're bullet is just a blank."  
"B..buh..buh.blank?" Jack blubbered. He opened the chamber and there was no more shot. He dropped to his knees. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
"You're just going to leave him there?" Hawkins demanded in shock. Cash grinned.  
"Na, mate. We don't leave no one behind. We'll come back and see if he's still alive in a couple weeks." Hawkins stared at Cash in amazement. "Grace, how be your eye?" Hawkins stared in horror as Grace turned around, the cut above her eye still bleeding, completely covering her left eye. "Eew," Cash grimaced and drew back and then turned away. Hawkins by this time had a permanent look of bewilderment on his face. Mary patted Cash on the back.  
"There there capn'. Take a deep breath. There you go. Come on, chant with me. Ooday Hieyay onix carpe. Good. Keep chanting capn'." As Cash chanted, Mary pulled something out of her pocket. "The Captain don't like blood much." She explained and then handed the object to Grace. It was a black piece of cloth and Grace secured it like a bandana only over her bleeding eye. Cash turned around.  
"All better." She said happily. "Sam and Billy! Swabs these decks, they're filthy."  
"Captain," Mary said, "We should be arriving in Tortuba in two days."  
  
True to Mary's word at dawn the day after next, Sam shouted, "Land Mo!" from the crow's nest.  
"Hoist sail and take in anchor!" Cash shouted. "Secure the lines and make ready to dock." As the ship glided into the port, Mary leapt off the bow and Grace off the stern, ropes in hand. The Black Sabre groaned slightly as it's momentum was stopped. "Billy and Sam, secure those sails you dobs!"  
"I don't suppose that's our welcoming committee." Hawkins commented. Two columns of heavily armed men in ran down towards the dock all leveling their muskets at Cash.  
"Don't move Cash!" One barked as Grace and Mary were surrounded on the dock. "The rest of you, off the ship!"  
"Morty Cash." A feminine voice called.  
"Ah! Sheila!" Cash called back, taking but a single step. A bullet whizzed by her ear.  
"You have some nerve showing up here." Sheila stated.  
"It's a free port." Cash replied shrugging, careful not to take a step.  
"Who is that?" Hawkins asked, whispering to Grace.  
"Sheila, that's the Capn's aunt."  
"Her aunt? No wonder Cash is all.." Hawkins imitated Cash's slightly bizarre twitchy movements.  
"That's got nothing to do with it." Grace replied.  
"Silent!" A guard barked.  
  
"I have your order, Sheila." Cash stated. "Everything you requested is stored on my ship." Sheila narrowed her eyes, the wrinkles hidden my makeup poking through. "Let me unload my ship-"  
"You will do nothing of the sort." Sheila interrupted. "Get down from there right now. If you so much as step wrong, I'll have you shot." Cash walked slowly to the rail and jumped off right in front of Sheila who smacked Cash across the face.  
"You killed my fiancé!" She raged.  
"Yes, but you'll get a better one." Cash replied. One of the guards punched Cash in her stomach. Cash doubled over slightly and cringed. "I brought one for you."  
"What?" Sheila demanded.  
"What?" Hawkins yelped.  
"That one." Cash pointed towards Hawkins.  
"Which one?"  
"The one that's not Grace." Cash stated.  
"Huh?" Hawkins gulped.  
"You had best not be lying." Sheila hissed.  
"He voluntarily joined my ship." Cash said. Hawkins draw nearly dropped. "He's all yours Sheila."  
"Gentlemen, unload Morty's ship."  
"Captain Morty Cash, if you please." Cash corrected.  
"Once we unload your ship, you may depart."  
"And you'll call off your mercenary dogs." Cash stated.  
"Yes. But if you should ever return." Cash pressed her hands together and gave a half bow.  
"We're savvy." Hawkins watched speechless as the Black Sabre with crew aboard set sail and began to disappear onto the horizon. Then he looked in terror at Sheila.  
  
The steady drip from the dungeon ceiling echoed in Hawkin's ear. His face was pressed up against the bars of the window and was watching the night fog roll in. He had no idea what it was that Sheila wanted with him nor did he wish to imagine. He had contemplated about revealing his soldier identity, but on an island teeming with mercenaries and villains, he didn't think it was a good idea. The fog continued to roll in heavily. Then, something caught his and then vanished. He could not be sure, but Hawkins could have sworn he saw the black and white flash of a pirate flag. His heart sped up. There was an alarm cried out and Hawkins watched in amazement as someone ran through the fort courtyard, the moon light reflecting off a pair of blades. Hawkins moved away from window and suddenly snapped about as there was a heavy thud against his door. The door flew open and standing in the dim torch light was Captain Morty Cash and Crewman Iron Mary Flint. "Come on!" Cash ordered. "Grace has distracted the guards for now, but it will not take long for our diversion to be recognized. Hurry!" The trio started running down the hall, Mary in front and Cash in back.  
"But how can Grace fight? She's half blind." Hawkins asked as they started down the spiral stair case.  
"Easy, Grace has always been half blind. Horrible eye sight, really." Cash stated. Hawkins was about to ask another question but Mary had just busted the main floor door open and the sparse guards on duty were beginning to realize what was happening. Mary already had her pair of pistols ready as Cash shoved Hawkins to the ground and drew her own. There were three shots and three fatalities.  
"Come on." Mary growled, grabbing Hawkins by his collar and hoisting him off the ground. Cash drew her cutlass as the trio ran out into the streets. The fog was so dense that you could not see 10 feet in front of you. Cash made a strange noise resembling the call of a sea gull. The trio raced down the dock. Out of the mist coursed the bow of the ship. As it passed the dock, Mary leapt and snatched onto one of the lines that was lying over the rail. Cash did the same a moment later and Hawkins a second after that. Once of the deck of the ship, Cash ordered Sam and Billy to make for the open sea.  
"What about Grace?" Hawkins asked.  
"We don't leave no one behind." Cash commented. Just then, Grace popped up out of the water. Sam threw out a line and then along with Billy hoisted Grace out of the water. There was silence as the wind filled the sails and the Black Sabre glided away from Tortuba.  
"Captain Cash." Hawkins called as Cash headed towards the helm. "Why did you come back for me?" Cash rolled her eyes.  
"Do you not listen boy? We don't leave no one behind." Hawkins stood speechless as Cash seized the wheel.  
  
"Where are we going?" Hawkins asked. It was the next evening and Hawkins, Mary and Sam were on deck.  
"You'll have to ask the capn' that." Mary answered, securing the boom.  
"What exactly did Cash do to Sheila?" Hawkins asked.  
"Well, a few years back, ol' Sheila had herself a beau named Antonio." Mary said matter-o-factly, kneeling down, Hawkins following suit. "They were engaged you see. But one night, the capn' spotted Antionio being somewhat less than a gentlemen around another woman, if you get what I'm sayin'. So, the capn' killed that unfaithful scallywag right then and there. However, this didn't go over too well with Sheila. Sheila thought the capn' was plumb jealous of her and Antonio. She's been seeking revenge against Morty ever since."  
"Mary, how'd she kill him?" Mary suddenly looked up as did Hawkins. Cash was standing but a few feet away looking down at them.  
"With human hair, from my back." Cash replied. Hawkins grimaced.  
"Here we go!" Grace called, walking up from the inside of the ship. She held a bottle of rum in each hand. "A toast to yet another miraculous escape." Cash took the other bottle and each took a swig. The bottles were then passed around.  
"Sam and Billy." Cash ordered. "Take in sail and drop then anchor. Tonight, we will have a celebration!" Once again the rum was passed around.  
  
3 hours later.  
  
"We're rascals, scoundrels, villains, and maves, drink up me hearties yo ho! We're devils and black sheep, really bad eggs! Yo ho yo ho a pirates life for me!" There were several empty bottles of rum rolling about the ship. He felt sick and he'd barely had but a glass of rum. Meanwhile, the three girls were singing and dancing about completely smashed. Sam was passed out on deck and Billy was twitching slightly. "Really bad eggs!" Cash shouted loudly as she stumbled over to the side of the ship, puked, and then chugged down the rest of the rum she had.  
  
Dawn the next day.  
  
"Well now that's a sight." Grace mused to herself. Cash, Mary, Hawkins, Sam and Billy were all over the side of the ship relieving themselves of their insides. Hawkins fell back on his butt onto the deck. As he laid sprawled out on the deck, his eyes rolled back and looked at Grace.  
"She looks rather healthy for having a four-alarm hangover." He said in a raspy voice.  
"The only time Grace doesn't puke," Mary explained, leaning up against the mast looking terribly haggard and hung over, "Is when she's completely hung over or inebriated. Heh heh, ineebree, breeyay, ineeeebreee- ayyted. He he, it sounds funny." Mary ran back to the side and puked again.  
  
"Ship ho!" Grace shouted from the helm. "It's the Missionary!" Grace shouted. Everybody groaned.  
"Do weave aim t'scape?" Cash demanded as she stumbled towards the helm. "Do we have time to escape?" She repeated. Grace shook her head. All watched as the massive sail with a black cross upon it pulled up beside the Black Sabre.  
"Oh great merciful heavens!" A man in an all white robe wearing a wooden cross cried as he boarded the ship. "This is nothing but an orgy of satanic sins! You children must be cleansed."  
"Who is this guy?" Hawkins asked, still holding his stomach.  
"The Missionary." Cash grumbled. "He's Mary's uncle.. or cousin or step father's room mate or something like that." Cash paused for a moment. "If I wasn't so smashed, I probably wouldn't have told you that."  
"You pirates have very disturbing families."  
"Why do you think we became pirates?"  
  
"I shall cleanse you all!" The Missionary cried. "But you! You red haired spawn of Satan!" The Missionary started walking toward Grace. "You cannot be saved! You are destined to spend your eternity in Hell at the right hand of your Master!" Grace opened her mouth like she were going to say something, but a look of complete unbelievabilty took over her and she could not find words. "Mary! My dear Mary! It is not yet too late to turn your face back unto God! You can still be saved from this life and the next! Do not let that she-demon" he pointed at Grace, "divert you from the path of righteousness!"  
"Grace isn't-" Hawkins started.  
"Grace!" The Missionary cried. "What an ironic shield this fiend of the Devil uses. A name of purity to disguise a creature that even God refuses. Ha! I am a clever rhymester! I must write that one down." Everyone just stared at everyone else. "Who hear wants to know the word of the Lord?" He reached his hands skyward. "Who hear needs to be forgiven?" Sam puked over the side. "Yes! That's right son! Purge yourself of your wickedness and sins!" The Missionary praised. "Who here wants to be saved!?"  
"I do." Grace said, leveling her sword at the Missionary. "Saved from your constant slack-jawed blubberings."  
"If you striekth against me, the wrath of the Almighty will cometh down upon you!" Grace rolled her eyes.  
"Then I'll see you in Hell. Now get off this ship."  
  
"Do not worry my children!" The Missionary called from his ship. "I will come and rescue you from you sins! Remember! He is always watching."  
"Why didn't we kill him?" Hawkins asked. Cash spun around.  
"What was that you said Hawkins? Why didn't we kill him! Ha ha! Do you hear that me hearties? I think we're starting to have an adverse effect on young Mr. Hawkins! You're starting to sound like a pirate." Hawkins stood slightly dumbfounded. "Well, since you're slowly metamorphosing into a respectable pirate, I guess I'll tell ye. See, we pirates have a code we follow. One of the rules is that you don't kill your own kin. See, we believe that there are certain things worse than death. Take the Missionary for example. It has to be incredibly painful being that ugly, agonizing to be that naiveté and therefore excruciating to be both. Savvy?" Hawkins nodded. "So now Mr. Hawkins, we be on our way to the nearest port to restock. Will you help us?" Hawkins hesitated.  
"I don't know if can." He started.  
"Listen Mr. Hawkins." Cash said, slinging her arm over his shoulder and walking toward the bow. "You can or can't. Do or do not, there is no try. See, I can sail into Port Imperial, sack the place and slip away before the blighters have a clue. But I can't get the extra rations to supply an extra crew member without the crew member's help. So the question is, Mr. Hawkins, can you become a pirate, or can you not?" Hawkins looked at Cash and then at the rest of the crew. He nodded slowly and the more enthusiastically.  
"Yeah, I can become a pirate."  
"Alright then. Mary, make for Port Imperial."  
"Port Imperial?" Grace asked. Cash turned on her heel to look at Grace.  
"It's the only port within reach Gracie." Hawkins watched interestedly as a mix of anger and anxiety crept across Grace's face. She then turned and disappeared below deck.  
  
A few hours later, Hawkins approached Mary. "What is it that makes Grace so uneasy about Port Imperial?" Mary looked at Hawkins, not sure if he were serious.  
"Come on mate. Imperial is magistrated by Governor Abrahm Bonney." Hawkins' face was still dull with confusion. Mary sighed.  
"Black Grace Bonney and Governor Abrahm Bonney? Savvy?"  
"Aht!" Cash called from the bridge. "I heard that Mary. Only the captain gets to say savvy, savvy? And seein' as how I'm the captain, that would be me. And since it is me, it can not possibly be you. Savvy?"  
"Sorry Captain." Mary apologized.  
"I'm still not sure I understand this." Hawkins said slowly. "Grace is the daughter of the Port Imperial Governor?"  
"You got it!" Mary said excitedly, throwing her arms in the air. "Good job. You've proven that your intelligence is just a wee bit above that of Billy and Sam combined. Which, mate, isn't saying much."  
  
The Black Sabre glided into port, the pirate flag having long ago been securely stored. "Who be the Captain of this her' vessel?" The dock man called.  
"Captain Casey Ross." Cash shouted back.  
"What's your purpose in Port Imperial, Captain Ross?" He called.  
"We're restocking our supplies." Cash called back.  
"Aye, ye may disembark."  
"And deck man, would you kindly contact Governor Bonney?" The deck hand looked queerly at Cash.  
"What for?"  
"Tell him that I have a Bonney lass." Cash said with a grin. The deck man walked away confusedly but doing as he was instructed.  
"I can't believe we're doing this." Grace complained. "This is public humiliation." Cash clapped a hand on Grace's shoulder.  
"Grace, we have no powder, no cannon left, no choice."  
"Crews mutiny over this sort of cruelty."  
"Just remember that the deepest circle of hell is reserved for betrayers and mutineers." Cash said lightly. "Mary! The shackles please."  
  
"Hello? Captain Ross?" A voice called from below. Ross leaned over the rail.  
"Governor Bonney! How good to see you sir. I believe I'd be liking 10 barrels of gun powder, a half ton of shot, 3 bushels of apples, 20 sacks of flour, 8 kegs of water, a couple hundred pounds of salted meat, and.15 kegs of rum." The Governor laughed.  
"Get your own supplies you scallywag. You've wasted my time."  
"Ah, but Governor, I have something of value to you. Mary, Hawkins! Bring forth Miss Bonney." Gov. Bonney watched in horror as Grace was drug to the rail of the ship gagged and shackled. Mary had a pistol to her head.  
  
"Wait! Please don't hurt her!"  
"I knew you'd warm up to me." Cash replied. "Well chub, we intend to be stocked and ready to leave with the tide. If we're not, we might have to lighten our load, savvy?"  
"Yes, yes I understand, just don't hurt her!"  
"You have my word on pain of death, that I will not hurt your precious daughter. Make haste man, the tide is ebbing."  
  
Many hours later.  
  
"Alright you filthy scoundrel, hand over my daughter!"  
"Not quite yet gov. We'll sail out of the harbor and once clear, we will send your precious Grace back to you in a skiff. Savvy?"  
"You monster!" Mrs. Bonney cried from the dock.  
"Just doin' what I have to to survive ma'am." Cash replied.  
"Hold on Gracie-Mae Kelli Annabelle Riley Bonney! You hold on. You'll be with mommy soon." Grace started turning red. Mary fell to the deck laughing and Cash cringed, with-holding the laugher bursting to get out.  
"Gracie-Mae?" She giggled. "Wave bye bye to your mommy Gracie-Mae."  
"Shove it." Grace growled. The Black Sabre slipped out of the dock and out of the bay. "Get these things off me."  
"Whatever you say Gracie-Mae." Hawkins scoffed. "So now what? I'm guessing that we lied and we're not giving Gracie, I mean, Black Grace back?"  
"He's catching on fast." Mary stated.  
"Of course we lie!" Cash stated. "We're pirates. We extort, we pilfer, we filch and sack, marauding embezzle and even hijack! Drink up me hearties, yo ho!"  
  
"Now that we're suitably stocked up with supplies, most importantly the rum, we shall continue on our quest." Cash announced, standing up from the table.  
"Which is?" Hawkins asked, munching on a piece of bread.  
"Have you heard the legend of the lost gold of Patee?"  
"Pâté"  
"No, Patee. See crewman Hawkins, there once was an Empress from Gibudhi. She was sailing across the waters of the Spanish Main when her ship was thrown off course by a storm. The ship named the Domineer crashed on some uncharted rock of an island, and being that it was weighted down by 15 of chests of gold, it were sinkin' pretty fast. So, the crew was able to save all 15 chests of gold but no supplies. So rather than having her riches fall into the hands of pirates such as us, Empress Patee buried the gold on that island before she and her men perished."  
"So how are we supposed to find it?" Hawkins asked.  
"I'm getting' there." Cash scolded. "See, there was a single piece of treasure recovered. A spyglass that can show it's user the direction of island. Of course, very few people know about it, and I'm the only one who knows where it is. So, we find the spyglass and that will lead us to the island and Empress Patee's treasure."  
  
"This place looks slightly familiar." Hawkins mused to himself. It was a few days later and this was the first sighting of land since they left Port Imperial.  
"It should." Grace answered. "These be the same islands we left ol' Vane at." The Black Sabre sailed in as close to the shore as she dared before dropping anchor. Cash descended from the navigation deck. "Billy, Sam! Run out a life boat. Grace and I'll be going ashore. Mary, I leave you in charge of the ship till we return. Should something happen, keep to the code." Hawkins watched in curiosity as Cash walked past and she and Grace were lowered down in the boat. As the rowed out towards shore, Hawkins once again turned to Mary.  
"She meant the pirate's code, right?" Hawkins asked. "Any man who falls behind is left behind." Mary shook her head.  
"That's true, any man who falls behind is left behind. But, seeing as how Cash isn't a man, that doesn't apply. The Captain was referring to the Cash Code. Should any happen to Captain, we all make hasten to her rescue despite the impossibility of the situation." Hawkins stared open mouthed at Mary as she made her way up to the wheel. The more he thought he finally understood his new life the more he realized he didn't have a clue.  
  
Grace rowed the small boat up onto the sandy shore of the island as Captain Cash leapt from the bow and secured the bow line about a palm tree. "Ahoy!" Grace called. "Is there any one there?" There was no answer.  
"Look." Cash pointed out. "Footprints." Grace drew her swords and started forward following the trail. The prints lead about a mile off shore and into the mouth of a shallow cave. Cash struck a match and threw it into the cave. The dark hole quivered with light and in the back corner, a figure could be seen. It was Vane all huddled up, rocking autistic-like, and babbling inanely.  
"What is he saying?" Grace asked, inching closer into the cave. Vane muttered some more. "What? I can't understand him."  
"Hmm." Cash responded. "Yo yo? You want a yo yo? No. Ho yo? Oh! He's dyslexic! He means yo ho. He wants to be a pirate!" Vane twitched. "No? Hmm." Grace and Cash continued to listen.  
"Oreo?" Grace guessed. "Tomato, Potato, jell-o, Crisco?" Vane twitched more violently, his limbs jerking about.  
"Ooh!" Cash cried. "Charades. I love charades! Ok, 1 word, 7 syllables." Vane turned blood red. He suddenly burst out of his huddle.  
"OHLOLOLOLOLOLO!" He screamed. There was a flash of blade and Vane fell to the floor. His right thumb fell next too him. There was a kind of stunned silence. Then Cash leaned over and picked up Vane's thumb and then looked at Grace.  
"I panicked." She said with a shrug.  
"Ohlolololololololo!" Vane cried, nursing his right hand. "Ohloooooooo!"  
"Maybe we can just stick it back on, or something." Cash suggested. She gingerly stuck the thumb back on.  
"Hulllo?" A voice called from a distance away. "Mr. O-lo, where are you?" Vane's eyes suddenly became enormous.  
"Dooobya! Doooooooobya!" Vane cried and started flailing about. His thumb when flying, Grace catching it out of the air. From his knees, Vane grabbed Cash's shirt and began babbling again. It sounded something like this: "Oh lo! Lololololo oh! Doobya oh lolo. Lo oh lo Doobya lololo. Ohlolololololololololololololo!"  
"I think he's trying to tell us something." Grace offered. "Come on boy, what is it? Come on!"  
"I think he wants us to take him with us." Cash said cautiously.  
"Ohlolo!" Vane cried happily, continuing to grab at Cash's shirt and blubber about.  
"If we take you with us, do you swear under pain of death to have the fortitude to follow orders in the face of almost certain death?"  
"Oh!" Vane whimpered, his lower lip quivering.  
"Mr. O-lo! Where are you? Did I tell you about the time me and my daddy went fishin?" Vane's lower lip quivered.  
"Ohlo." He whimpered softly.  
"Alright. You may come." Cash answered. "But we must hurry. Back to the Black Sabre!"  
  
Cash, Grace and Vane started running. The going was quick with the ever present call of Dubya at their backs. But as they kept running, Vane continually slowed down, the most likely reason being his rather "tubby" stomach he had maintained while shipwrecked and his overall out of shape-ness. "Oh.lolo." He gasped.  
"We don't have time for this." Cash growled. "That hell beast will be on is in a moment. Grace, carry him."  
"What?" Grace cried.  
"I can't carry him when he's all..bloody." Cash cringed.  
"He tried to kill me!" Grace pointed out angrily.  
"We don't have time for this Gracie-Mae. Besides, you're already carrying his finger. You might as well carry the rest of him. Come on! Be quick about it." With clenched teeth and a string of muttered curses, Grace hauled Vane up on her shoulders and took off after Cash. By the time they reached the ship, Grace was panting hard and made no effort to put Vane down gently on the deck. Rather she simply dropped him and his thumb beside him.  
"Drop sail!" Cash barked. "Raise anchor. Set sail with wind acorser stern."  
  
*Historical side note.: Dubya continued to stay on that small spit of land. To this day, many a sailor claims to hear mournful and sickening wailing emanating from that island. Those that travel there, ne'r return.  
  
The Black Sabre sailed onwards towards a location that only Captain Morty Cash knew. One day, Cash ordered the ship to a halt. "Attention on deck!" She shouted. "I have an announcement. With the addition of the new crew member, some promotions are in order. Iron Mary, you are now the head chef of the Black Sabre. Billy and Sam, you're crewman now. Mr. Vane is our token slave. That is all." Billy and Sam gave each other a high five. However, the palms missed and smacked each other in the face.  
"Ow." They both whined. Mary rolled her eyes and Vane glared at the two new crewman, a spasm twitching his eye every now and then.  
  
A week passed without sight of land nor ship. The sails puffed slightly in the fall breeze. Billy and Sam sat in the crow's nest and played rock-paper-scissors while down below Grace honed her swords, Hawkins and Vane played knuckles, Cash steered the ship and Mary slept up against the mast. As the sun began to set again land became visible in the distance. "Where are we?" Hawkins asked.  
"Just off the cost of South America." Cash answered. "We'll be in close by morning and we'll take shore leave for a day or so." 


End file.
